


i’d rather die

by bisexualloona



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: A Lot of Death, F/F, MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING THERE ARE MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, Plot Twists, kinda hyerim i guess, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 08:29:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20945345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualloona/pseuds/bisexualloona
Summary: yeorry angst. hanahaki. that’s all you need to know(also a ps tw// there suicide in this)





	i’d rather die

**Author's Note:**

> i cried writing this
> 
> (pps this is the last trigger warning for suicide my dude)

Yeojin has no experience in love. The only love she has was probably for her family, friends, singers, and minecraft. However she never knew what romantic love really felt like. Well she saw other people in love, but in all honesty that doesn’t mean shit.

It’s completely different when you yourself fall in love. 

Love isn’t possessive or always jumping at in people’s faces but it’s there. Love is something you don’t have to express all the time, because when you do it’s weird. And love doesn’t sound like a real word after that. Then again, she doesn’t really know. Hyunjin was describing it for her. 

Until she saw Choi Yerim.

At first, like any logical person, she pushed those feelings down, way down, and decided that avoiding her would be the best solution. She doesn’t want to deal with all the love crap her sister Haseul is going through. Not yet at least. One of the things she always says to herself is: fuck love, play minecraft. 

So she begins her quest of trying to ignore this girl for as long as possible without seeming rude. Which means she had to know her schedule so that she can avoid Yerim at the right time. Things would work out perfectly, right?

Then again life is cruel and decided to put Yerim in more than half of Yeojin’s classes. Great.

How the fuck do you ignore somebody you see every single day in so many of your classes? The world may never know. However, the idea of staying far away from her as possible popped into mind. This will totally work. 

Yet again, Yeojin is wrong. 

Turns out Yerim is really hard to ignore, because not only does she talk to everyone, but the teacher assigned them as partners for the literature project. Just her luck. And seeing her up close let’s Yeojin see that Yerim is way too pretty to ignore. It’d be a sin to ignore such an angel at this point.  _ You can’t  _ just  _ fall for looks, so you’ll be fine.  _

But Yeojin forgets that she has to work with the girl, so it won’t be just looks she falls for. Then again, Yeojin doesn’t always think things through. 

As time went on, things Yeojin was afraid of were coming true. Yerim is such a nice person, since she would help anybody anytime, and so positive too. Yeojin will admit she’s a gremlin, at times, and the girl still puts up with her. When Yerim walks in a room, that room lights up, and something in Yeojin’s heart lights up too. 

_ Well fuck my life.  _

This is the first time she feels it. 

She feels a deep pain in her stomach, as if she was the ground and a new plant was stemming from the deepest part. She’s walking to her house when the feeling of suffocating passes through her. All of a sudden she is choking in the streets before she coughs up a purple-yellowish blob in her hand. 

_ Funny, I don’t remember eating anything that looks like that.  _

  
  


By the middle of the school year, she feels fireworks in her stomach. It’s like never before, a euphoric feeling that causes her to go over the moon, but a little bit sick. However still on top of the moon. 

She still coughs up these blobs in her hands and she soon starts to identify as flower petals, which of course was extremely weird, but she remembers that Haseul used to do the same at home before she got a girlfriend named Vivi. This also happened to Hyunjin before she got the guts to even to  _ talk _ to Heejin. 

She confides in Haseul (about everything except the flowers, it’s probably nothing huge) and gets told she that this feeling is most likely love. The happiness she felt was beyond belief. Yeojin felt something creeping up her throat giving her the urge to cough. She’s used to it of course, but it’s not just the regular little cough, she felt like hacking up whatever was in her throat. A whole new type of suffocating, in which she actually couldn’t breath for a little while until she got whatever was in her throat out. Sitting on her bathroom floor, she looks at the object that was in her mouth. 

It’s a tulip, but purple instead of natural red color. 

_ Purple is Yerim’s favorite color. I’d wonder if she’d like these.  _

Before winter break begins, she aims to tell Yerim about her feelings, solely for the purpose of doing it before she can’t anymore. Who knows when she’ll have this feeling again. 

At lunch, when Yeojin was planning to confess, Yerim is already there with someone else. That someone else is the tall, dark haired girl in their grade named Hyejoo. Yerim looks at Hyejoo like she’s the sun, the moon and the stars. Kind of like how Yeojin looks at Yerim. 

Yeojin can take a hint. She understands that Yerim has a crush on someone else. Someone who isn’t her. It feels the world is constantly against her. Especially because as she was trying to leave, Yerim called her over. 

See to walk away now would seem rude as Yerim was very loud and literally all of Asia could hear her, “YEOJIN COME OVER HERE I WANNA INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE!”

So she had no choice but to walk over there and suffer as she had to witness her crush make goo goo eyes at someone who isn’t her. 

This is the first time her cough of flowers saved her. As Yeojin was walking to the two girls feeling dread, she also felt the rising of the flower grow out of her throat carelessly scraping the sides of it. 

In that moment, Yeojin could sense the end to all this pain, as she ran away from the confused girls she was originally headed towards. 

  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~

  
  


After coughing up about 9 of the darkest purple tulips she has ever seen Yeojin carefully trudged herself to her bed already. She knows why she’s dying. Yerim doesn’t love her. At least, not in the way she wants her to. And she can’t change that this isn’t her happily ever after story she wanted. 

She figured this flower disease probably runs in her family, because, now that she actually thought about it Haseul and Hyunjin both had it. It’s probably why her mother died. And why Hyunjin’s dad died. And why she’s next probably 

_ Why am I unlikable? _ This isn’t the first time she thought about herself like that. It usually leads to the  _ am I unattractive?  _ and the  _ am I annoying, _ to which she answered yes to herself. 

She constantly treated like the second string, as if she’s never good enough.  _ And I’m starting to believe that maybe I really _ am  _ just not good enough.  _

She gets out of her bed, goes to her backpack and picks out some paper and pens, and starts writing to everyone she loved. 

Cause this just pushed her over the edge. 

  
  


~~~~~~

  
  


“Where is she?!” echoed throughout the high school hallways from the voice of Kim Hyunjin. 

“Where is Choi Yerim?” she yells significantly louder. A few students point towards the room down the hall, and within a second the obviously mad girl goes running in that direction as fast as she can, forgetting (more of not caring) about the no running in the halls rule. 

As soon as she found the girl talking to other students, she wasted no time into dragging her out of that conversation, and into the nearest bathroom she could find. 

She shuts the door shut, saying, “ What the fuck is wrong with you.”

Yerim was completely confused on why she was getting dragged out of the room all of a sudden, and now being asked this was even more confusing. “Could say the same about you. Why’d you do that?”

“You know what you did. You’re the reason my little cousin is  **dead** .”

“Oh,” the other said nonchalantly, “I kinda knew this day would come.”

“What?! So you knew what was happening with Yeojin and did nothing to stop it.”

“She had hanahaki, what do you want me to do? I can't pretend I’m in love with her or all of a sudden develop feelings for her, I didn’t like her like that.”

“Hanahaki?” The older girl’s face became puzzled, then realization, then into an extreme rage. “I remember in her note she touched on it lightly, but I didn’t know you were the one who caused that.”

“Wait, what are you saying.”

“I’m saying she didn’t die of hanahaki, actually she wasn’t completely dead when I found her lying in her own blood. I’m was alluding to the fact that you were her best friend, and apparently could tell she liked you, but not be concerned with her mental state at all. Choi Yerim did you know-” the girl paused as she’s getting choked up within her rant, and it was clear to see how both girls were tearing up. 

“Did you know Yeojin tried to kill herself? Because she hated herself. And you didn’t even care. The suicide note she left is the reason I’m not beating you up right now.” Tired of looking at the girl in front of her, she begins to walk away, knowing the other won’t speak. 

“Yerim, I hope when she wakes up, she remembers you. And when she remembers you instead of feeling love, I hope she feels agony. I hope only the bad memories and feelings remain. I hope she will never like you again, because you obviously don’t deserve it.”

When Hyunjin walked out the door, Yerim burst into a fit of tears, not believing that she drove a friend of hers to suicide. Just then, blue petals shooter from her mouth. 

_ Forget-me-nots. Funny. Well at least my death is actually well deserved.  _

**Author's Note:**

> i’m kimjungns in twitter and my cc is there too. please feel free to comment and tell me what you thought


End file.
